Girlfriends

This is something that's been on my heart for as long as I can remember. I just wonder how many of you out there have had this same experience or have felt like I do. I just don't know why this bothers me as much as it does maybe it's jealousy maybe I'm just too sensitive but I've never been anyone's best friend.. And it hurts.. Everytime I had a friend some other girl/woman would come along from their past and OFF they'd go leaving me behind. It's been going on since Elementry school. It's never failed.. Maybe I'm looking for failure?
I feel I've been a good friend to everyone and get nothing much back.. I give my all and expect loyality and a committment to a long term friendship.. I love deeply and want the same back.. I want the Heart of Gold and I'm willing to return it. I've matured enough to know that you have to BE what you're looking for and I'm willing to do that. I want a shoulder to cry on and I'm willing to lend one as well.
I remember when we bought this house about 1995 I met this woman in the Model (she was buying too) we hit it off and we're like totally insepratble for a few months and then she became friends with the "men" across the street from her.. she lives on the same street I do. I was replaced... I know I handled this badly.. I was jealous and then ashamed of myself for being so stupid.. I know she loved me and I loved her but I couldn't handle sharing her.. boy I do have issues.. but I wanted love like I see other ladies have. I see them walking in the Mall or at Easton and their so happy and secure in their friendships and that's what I'm missing..

Writing this all out I can see how pathic I am!!! But I don't want to be a loner for the rest of my life.